I am ambitious and greedy. Greedy because I want everything. I want this and I want that and I want it all. I don;t want to miss out on anything. But....this gross need leaves me tired in my own wants and leaves me hard pressed to make choices, choices that I do not like to make or want to make.Bu choices I must make because I am so greedy. All I am looking for is fun but it is not fun that I seek. What I seek is peace, to be in peace with myself. I am a conservative rebel. I am no spark, no novelty. I am nothing but a large sized kid but that is not the truth anymore. I cannot put up a fight. I have lost resilience ad urge. I just want to be a log. I put so much pressure on myself. I encourage me but I guess I am just giant lump of mass. I cannot love with the mediocrity of this vile situation anymore. I just cannot. I cannot love life this way and the time is fast running out.
